


the in between

by 64_wilted



Category: Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: Canon Rewrite, Canon-Typical Violence, F/M, Fire Emblem: Three Houses Golden Deer Route, Fire Emblem: Three Houses Golden Deer Route Spoilers, Hurt/Comfort, Mentioned Golden Deer Students (Fire Emblem), and he's like we're just bros, apparently i only ever write fic when canon doesn't give me either what i want or anything at all, bc they never established it, but they've been together forever, that one post where she's like are we dating, verdant wind
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-30
Updated: 2019-09-30
Packaged: 2020-11-08 10:55:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,408
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20834297
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/64_wilted/pseuds/64_wilted
Summary: What happened in between support conversations, after them, and after the war. Felix and Bernadetta Verdant Wind ending SCRAPPED and THROWN OUT THE WINDOW only keeping tiny pieces of it because these two had UNTAPPED POTENTIAL and they SOILED IT





	the in between

**Author's Note:**

> i was so overcome with rage and desire that i actually sat down and wrote a weeb chess rare pair. i have lost control of my life, no i don't want to talk about it. apparently i only write post here when i am consumed with thoughts of filling in the gaps that i did not get from the source material. just a little self centered one shot. if even one person enjoys this i will feel so accomplished.

It wasn’t even intentional. Three individuals were the only Golden Deer that switched classes. Felix left the Blue Lions, his childhood friends. Ashe came with him. Bernadetta was the only one that “betrayed” the Empire to join the Alliance’s house. Ashe was from the Kingdom but Felix didn’t find himself connecting with him much, likely a personality conflict. Unintentionally, Felix lingered around Bernadetta, from a distance. It was lonely as the former Golden Deer were already sort of a family. The transfers were always included, but it could never be the same bond.

Byleth must have noticed early on, as Felix could remember for a long time the professor would request he move with Bernadetta in battle to make up what weaknesses she had using a ranged weapon. They didn’t talk much, but hovered toward each other. She was a nice change of pace, Felix decided. Everyone was serious and confident where Bernadetta was the opposite. She didn’t try to make him do anything he didn’t want to or force conversation. When she did talk, she’d trip over herself trying to do it. If it made him forget about the war, he would never admit it. 

Bernadetta was trying to be less shy, and shockingly enough, Felix didn’t mind it. Her way of interacting with him was a single suggestion: if Felix wasn’t interested, she’d drop it instantly. Like when she had offered him candy he rejected, she put it away instantly. Most people would sit and try to persuade Felix. Not Bernadetta. 

Dimitri had recently fallen. Felix thought he would feel nothing. Most everyone was leaving Felix alone in the training grounds. Bernadetta shuffled her way onto the training grounds once a day, asked if he needed anything, and left. On the third day, he declined again, but she nodded and picked up a training lance. “C-Can I train with you?”

Felix squinted his eyes at her. “You want to train? With me?”

“If that’s okay,” she mumbled. “I can use a training dummy, or if you like, we can… spar.”

“If we were to spar, you would need to use a bow,” Felix huffed. “You’re decent with a lance, but not nearly as proficient as you are with arrows.”

“I just thought it would be, um, more engaging if I wasn’t ranged.”

“You’re very good with a bow. I don’t want to hurt you when you’re using something else.”

“You think I’m good with a bow?” she blinked. 

“Obviously. I wouldn’t fight at your side otherwise.”

She smiled to herself, then shook her head. “I want to do what you want to do.”

“Is this you pitying me?”

“N-No!” she insisted. “You’ve just-- you’ve been in here nonstop. I know I’m not one to talk, but… I…”

He turned his back to her. “Leave.”

Bernadetta recoiled, then straightened herself. The lance jabbed Felix’s back.

“Ow! What the hell, Bernadetta?!” he snapped.

“Are you to… to scared to spar with me?!” she spat, not convincing anyone. “Fight me if you dare!”

“Good grief,” sighed Felix. He took an offensive position; she immediately shrieked, holding the lance out in front of her.

A moment passed and Bernadetta opened her eyes to the sound of Felix’s soft laughter. “Wow. You’re really intimidating.”

“S-Shut up! I know I could never come close to beating you.”

“Then why would you want to spar with me?”

She fidgeted with the lance in her hands. “I got you to smile.”

Felix dropped his sword on the ground. “I can’t help it. You’re so ridiculous.”

“If that’s what it takes,” she shrugged.

“I mean it as a compliment,” Felix assured. “You’re different. It’s a good thing.”

“One day I’ll make you happy without making a fool of myself.”

“Now go. I’m fine.”

“Okay, but… you should really try to sleep,” she frowned. “You look exhausted. That’s not gonna help you get stronger.”

“I couldn’t sleep if I tried,” he droned.

Bernadetta took a breath, as if trying to muster strength. “I know you don’t care, but… I didn’t have anyone to talk to growing up. Talking is hard, but if you need to, I’ll listen. Or if you just want company, I’ll be there. Only if you want to. Um, now I’ll leave you alone.”

She was almost out the door when Felix spoke, barely audible. “Can we go somewhere else? Private?”

Bernadetta nodded. “You can… come into my room. If you like.”

.

Felix clicked the door behind him before he slid to the floor, hiding his face in his knees. Bernadetta didn’t say anything, only sat herself beside him.

It was minutes before he spoke. Bernadetta thought he might have dozed off, but he must have been searching for words. “Bern? I’m fucking pathetic.”

It was a lot to take in for only a small mumble. Felix had never called her any nickname, for starters. And usually _she_ was the one being self-deprecating. “No, you’re not,” she coaxed. 

“I am. I told myself and everyone I would be ready to kill Dimitri and anyone in the Kingdom. I didn’t even land the killing blow and I can’t stop… it is haunting me. I keep wondering if I could have saved him. ‘Cause I’m weak as hell.”

“I lost a childhood friend once. I hardly knew him and I still think about it sometimes. I can’t imagine what it must be like for you. That’s not a weakness. And if it is… well. I wouldn’t think you were human.”

“I have to be stronger,” he shook. “I am my blade.”

Bernadetta exhaled, trying to stay calm when Felix’s state was shaking her to her core. She glanced around her room. “How about… when you’re in Bernie’s room, you’re not any of that? When you exit, you can be that, but here, you don’t _have_ to be anything.”

“Is that why you like it here so much?” Felix huffed. 

“I mean… yeah,” she continued. “Everyone expects me to be someone I’m not sure I can be. In my room, there’s no one to tell me who to be. No one to disappoint. Felix, being upset isn’t disappointing anyone. I-If that’s what you’re worried about.”

Felix raised his head out of his lap, head resting against the door. Bernadetta hadn’t even noticed he was crying. Something told her he was used to crying without a sound. “You ever regret not following Edelgard?” he breathed. 

She paused. “Yeah. I don’t know what the Black Eagles thought about me, but… sometimes, I wish they were here again.”

“Why’d you change houses?”

“Because Professor Byleth isn’t scary,” she answered, laughing at herself. “I don’t think I would have made any progress in my social skills if it weren’t for her encouragement. What about you?”

“Hanneman wasn’t a swordsman,” he answered. “Our professor… I thought I would really grow with her. And I know that I have. I don’t regret joining the Golden Deer. When the professor disappeared, I could have gone back to the Kingdom like Ashe, but I didn’t. Claude may act oblivious, but he’s really smart. The kind of ruler this country needs, honestly.”

Bernadetta nodded. “He’s so kind, but I wouldn’t want to be his enemy.”

“Which is why I shouldn’t be upset about… Dimitri,” Felix hissed. “And- and Ingrid; what would Glenn say if… Damn it.”

“C-Can I… hug you?” she squeaked. He nodded, and Bernadetta laced around his arm, resting her head on his shoulder. He was tense, but slowly he relaxed under her embrace. “I’m not pitying you,” she claimed; Felix grinned.

.

Felix awoke disoriented, scanning his surroundings. Right. He was still in Bernadetta’s room. She was still latched to his arm. “Are you awake?” she whispered.

“Yeah?”

“Oh thank goodness,” she sighed. “You fell asleep and I was so scared that I would wake you that I just didn’t move. For an hour.”

Felix blinked before laughing. “You’re such an idiot,” he beamed. “You could have moved! I don’t mind being woken up.”

“Y-Yeah, well, you were so tired, I didn’t want to disturb you! And you looked so peaceful…”

“That’s enough,” he growled. “I don’t look peaceful. Ever.”

Bernadetta didn’t answer.

“Uh… thanks. For, um. Listening.” Realizing, he blushed heavily. “And letting me sleep on your floor. And… letting me in your room.”

“No problem.”

“And if you…” He sighed. “If you ever need someone to talk to… come find me.”

“R-Really?” she blinked. “You’re not just saying that, are you?”

“Yeah, I’m surprised I said it too. But with you, I don’t know. It seems like it would be okay.”

“Okay,” she beamed. 

—

“Ah. Here you are.” Felix found Bernadetta in the corner of the greenhouse, sitting sideways with a sketchbook on the stone edge. She tensed at the greeting, but seemed fine after realizing it was him. “What are you up to?”

“Just… sketching the plants,” she smiled, hugging the book to her chest. “It’s silly, but I like plants. Especially the carnivorous ones. And I like to draw them to remember them instead of picking them like other people do.”

He sat down next to her. “May I see?”

“I’m not very good, but… alright.”

Felix studied her drawings. “I don’t know what you were talking about. These are nice.”

“You know, it’s funny. I always have trouble believing compliments, but I know you don’t sugarcoat things. It’s oddly comforting.”

“I guess that’s good,” he said, rubbing the back of his neck. 

“S-Sorry!” scrambled Bernadetta. “I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable!”

“Hush. You didn’t.”

“Sorry.”

“So, um. I actually came here because Leonie mentioned you are good at sewing,” Felix admitted. “I tore my coat training. I’ll pay you to fix it.”

“Y-You don’t have to pay me! I’ll do it for free!”

“Or, um…” He shifted in his seat. “Sewing seems cool. It’s like stabbing stuff hundreds of times with a tiny sword. I’d like to learn, and I don’t learn well from reading. I have to see it.”

“Are you asking me to teach you?” she blinked.

“Only if it’s okay by you. I know you like to be alone.”

“It wouldn’t take up all my alone time,” she grinned. 

“You’d sacrifice part of it to… spend time with me?” 

“Do you, um, _want_ to spend time with me?”

Felix nodded, hiding a blush. 

“Let’s go get supplies from my room!” beamed Bernadetta.

—

They would be marching toward Enbarr toward the end of the month. Felix hadn’t seen Bernadetta in a day or so. She had even skipped a meeting in the Cardinal Room. 

He didn’t see her around dinner, and made a note to linger around the dining hall. With Byleth’s aid, he got some leftover sweet rolls from the kitchen and wrapped them in a napkin.

Felix didn’t knock in fear of frightening her. “Bernadetta,” he called from the other side of the door.

She still gasped. “Who is it?!”

“Felix,” he grunted. “I, um. I brought you food. Sweet rolls. You don’t have to let me in; I can just leave them in front.”

The door opened a tiny crack. “You can come in if you really want.”

“I just… want to see if you’re okay. I know we’re going to the Empire soon, and you haven’t come out. So…”

“I don’t want to annoy you with my whining,” she frowned.

“Alright,” he nodded. “That’s it; I’m coming in.”

She shrieked once when he pushed in, then relaxed. Felix hopped on her bed and patted the sheets next to him. “Y-You want me to sit there?”

“Yup. Come on, Bernadetta.”

She scrambled next to him, sitting stiff. 

“You don’t even have to talk to me. I’ll look away and you can talk _at_ me.” 

“It’s okay, actually,” she exhaled. “You’re not scary anymore.”

“Then you wanna tell me why you haven’t left your room today?” he questioned. “Did something happen?”

“I’m just… really scared,” she tried, balling the blanket fabric in her fists. “Edelgard supposedly put my father under house arrest, but…”

“And why are you scared of your father?” he said carefully.

“He… he…” She was trembling. After hesitating, Felix placed his hand on top of hers.

“Take your time.”

“He pretends I don’t exist because I am a screwup!” she cried. “A disappointment! Useless, unmarriageable—!”

“Bern. Slow down,” Felix hushed, caressing his thumb across the back of her hand. He prayed she didn’t notice the red in his cheeks at that small action. “Breathe. What happened?”

She took a breath as he asked. “Guess I never told you. My father… he just wanted me to marry someone rich and powerful. So he’d… train me. Do things like tie me to a chair, a-and force me to be silent for hours; he wouldn’t let me play with other kids. So I hid in my room and now I’m— I’m scared of everyone!” She panicked when Felix failed to respond, jaw clenched tight. “I-I know I’m being dumb but, Enbarr—”

“If he is foolish enough to come anywhere near us,” Felix growled, “if he tries to lay a finger on you, I will slice off his hands with my sword. I swear this to you.”

Bernadetta sat slack-jawed. “F-Felix—!”

“Our fathers are poisoned by the idea of status and honor. Who could do that to you? Let alone a child!”

“Felix,” she said. “It’s okay.”

“No, it isn’t!” he snapped. He flinched, stopping himself, taking a breath. “I’m sorry. The last thing you need is a man raising his voice.”

“It’s okay.”

“You want him dead, I’ll kill him myself. But death is too merciful a punishment.”

“U-Um! That’s—!” she recoiled. “He’s not…”

“You can’t see his corruption. I’ll see it for you.”

“I know,” she sighed. “It’s not just that. I don’t want to fight the Black Eagles. I know we have to. I just wish we didn’t. And I know I shouldn’t complain since I didn’t know them like you knew the Blue Lions.”

“I’ll be right next to you,” Felix promised. “When you look to your side, I will be there.”

“You don’t have to do that,” she frowned. 

“Yes, technically, I don’t,” he shrugged. “But if you falter and something happens to you, I couldn’t live with myself.”

Bernadetta blinked, “Felix?”

“Quiet. Don’t act so surprised. I don’t want to lose you and I don’t want this to change you.”

“S-Sorry, I--!”

“And _don’t_ apologize.”

“Sor-” Bernadetta smooshed her lips together before she could finish the phrase. It made Felix laugh softly. He moved to wrap his arm around her; she happily nuzzled into his side. It was natural, involuntary, and made both of them flush after they had realized, but they were too far in and stubborn to move.

\--

The sight of Dedue dragging along the decapitated head of Emperor Edelgard made even Felix pause. This is what Dimitri wanted and Dedue had been engulfed in that desire. If he was literal enough to actually bring Edelgard’s head to the boar prince’s resting place, Felix wasn’t about to stop him.

Felix was brought out of his pondering from the clatter of arrows behind him. Bernadetta slumped to the ground. Everything that she had been holding in the entirety of the battle crashed down now. Felix hoped it wasn’t Edelgard that tipped her, but he admittedly wasn’t thinking about that. It was a distracting sight. Everyone around them seemed to be preoccupied as well.

“Bernadetta,” he gasped, kneeling beside her. 

She didn’t answer. She could only manage deep, heaving sobs. 

Felix gently took her hand. “I’m right here. Feel my hand in yours,” he demanded. 

Her hand clenched his. “I’m sorry!” she bawled. “Stop crying, Bernie! Damn it!”

“You are not burdening me,” breathed Felix. “Do you understand?”

“Dorothea, and Ferdinand, and-- and-- Ed--”

“You are torturing yourself. Only focus on me. Got it?”

Puffy eyes trembled as they met Felix’s gaze. 

“You’re strong. You can get through this.”

“Is…” she hiccupped. “Is it okay if I hug you?”

Felix didn’t respond, only embraced her. She clung on tightly to Felix’s coat. “Dry your tears,” he told her. “There will be time to mourn when we get back.” 

“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”

“Hush. This is not weakness.”

He felt her attempt to slow her breathing.

\--

“You’re leaving?”

The way she said it tugged at Felix in ways he didn’t understand. “The war is over. I can’t stay at the monastery forever.”

She shifted in place as she watched Felix pack his things. “Where are you going? You’re not gonna be alone, right?”

Felix sighed. “I don’t know. I guess I’m just going to… wander. The point is I called you here because I wanted you to know. I don’t care if the others don’t see me off, but you’re different.”

“Okay,” she said, failing to conceal her wobbly voice. “J-Just be careful and-- and, maybe write to me if you have the chance.”

“Do not cry on me.” 

“I’m not crying!” she sniffed. “I’m just gonna… gonna miss you. I know it’s not the same for you, but you’re… you’re my best friend!” Bernadetta swiftly wiped the escaped tears from her cheeks.

“Fuck,” Felix mumbled. “I should have just left. Would have made this easier.”

After a comical inhale, she shook her head. “Just forget I said that! It’s fine. I’m fine.”

“No, I mean…” Felix put his things aside, facing her. “I’m… damn it. I’m not good at talking. I meant I’m gonna miss you.”

“You- you are?”

“I’m gonna miss your fool self and your fool habits. Your foolish smile. Damn it!” he scooped her up in his arms, and her surprised flailing landed her legs wrapped around his waist, arms wrapped around his neck. Felix easily held her up in place, shutting his eyes tight as she let herself dig her face in his neck. 

“Don’t go,” she begged in a whisper, almost as if she didn’t mean to say it aloud. 

After a long moment of staying embraced like that, Felix murmured, “come with me, Bern.”

“You don’t actually want me to,” she laughed, short and breathless. 

“Yes, I do,” he realized. “We’re gonna leave our horrid fathers and go wherever we end up. You’re gonna bring your art stuff and draw the plants you find while I train or whatever. Come with me. Don’t go home.”

“I- I can’t believe I’m saying this, but… yes!” she beamed, sliding out of his arms. “But you have to be sure! I’m not weighing you down because you feel bad for me!”

“Bernadetta,” he laughed. “I’m gonna need something to make me smile.”

“You’re smiling now. And I’m not making a fool of myself...! I think.”

“Go pack. You have that time to think about it.”

“Okay! I’ll try to be quick!”

\--

Felix panted, glistening from sweat as he collapsed next to Bernadetta in the wild grass. She handed him water from her bag, smiling at him. Felix mirrored her grin. “Having fun?” he began, holding his hands above him to block the sun.

“Look at these flowers, Felix! They’re coming up through the crack of the boulders and still blooming. Isn’t that neat?”

“Reminds me of someone,” he smirked.

“You?”

“No,” he grumbled, face growing even red from something other than training. “You. Dork.”

“Oh,” she giggled, pushing stray hair behind her ear. 

A moment passed, the only sounds being wildlife, Bernadetta’s pencil, and Felix’s breathing slowing steadily. 

“You seem content,” mentioned Felix. “You _have seemed_ content.”

“Yeah. I guess I am.”

“Are you glad you came with me, then?”

“I thought I was gonna be anxious outside of my room,” admitted Bernadetta. “But I’m not. I’m having a great time. I love seeing all the different nature. Instead of a closed door being my anchor, I’ve got you!”

After pushing his hand through his hair, he sat upright. “I’m gonna go try to catch something in that stream for us to eat.”

“You sure you aren’t too tired?”

“I’m good,” he nodded. “Anything happens, should you need me, just shriek like I know you can.”

“Okay.” She hugged her sketchbook to her chest. “And Felix? Thanks. For everything.”

He nodded, seemingly caught up in thought. After a moment of hesitation, he cupped her cheek, giving her a chance to flee if she wanted, then placed a chaste kiss on her lips. “You too,” he answered before overwhelming himself and beelining to the water.

Bernadetta’s hand hovered over her lips, unable to stop grinning.


End file.
